Myth 19.

Myth

“An actual guilty abuser would never take their victim to court.”

Fact

Abusers taking their victims to court is very common. Abusers will take advantage of the courts to keep controlling their victims, often using their trauma responses to humiliate them.

According to a 2017 report from Georgia’s Domestic Violence Fatality Review Project, which tracks domestic-violence-related deaths in the state, “Although there is little data on the frequency of harassing court filings, sometimes referred to as vexatious litigation, use of the court to harass victims of intimate partner violence and stalking appears to be commonplace.” For D, it certainly was.

Abusers take advantage of the court's shortcomings, and will use it as an opportunity to keep controlling their victims. They'll use every trick up their sleeve to make their victim look hysterical, according to psychologist Perpetua Neo, and those who particularly enjoy the experience are often abusive narcissists.
"It's not trauma behind closed doors anymore," she said. "It's like, here's the stage, I'm going to discredit you and make you look like an idiot."
They will try and shake the victim, and will often succeed. They know exactly what tales to spin to charm the jury, and what lies to provoke the victim with, so they end up looking like the unstable one. Essentially, abusers don't care all that much if they lose the right to contact their ex or child — it's all about knowing they still have control.