“Honestly it seems that they were both just crazy.”
In an abusive relationship, there is an abuser and a victim that reacts. How they react can vary, and a perceived “crazy” reaction is often used by the abuser to paint themselves as the victim.
If you think you might be in a mutually abusive relationship, ask yourself what you were hoping to accomplish when you used violence with your partner. “If you tease out the underlying motivations, you start to see it’s really not mutual abuse,” says
Mindy Mechanic, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at California State University Fullerton who focuses on interpersonal violence.
Domestic violence survivors might be assaultive, but that’s not mutual abuse. That’s reactionary abuse. “They don’t want power and control. They want the power and control to stop,” says David Cropp, a retired sergeant with the Sacramento police and an
expert witness consultant for domestic violence.
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